Excerpt From 'Tis Not The Season To Be Molly' - Coming Late 2025

SECRET SANTA

A beautiful spread of sweet treats adorned the boardroom table. The words of Molly’s GP played on a loop in her head. ‘I know it’s hard, Molly, but you really need to lose at least fifteen kilos. Carrying all that extra baggage isn’t good for you.’ You don’t say. Thanks for that. What ever would I do without you to point out the bloody obvious?

She cast her hungry eyes over the table, her mouth watering. Molly had never been much of a sweet tooth, but the joys of perimenopause had changed all that. All those cupcakes were calling her name.

Hannah sauntered in with a large Santa sack full to the brim with gifts. She plonked the sack in the middle of the table. Molly quickly noticed the dazzling princess cut diamond ring on Hannah’s left hand. Wow, Sam works fast.

Gary entered the room. ‘Welcome everyone to our Secret Santa gift exchange. Some welcome down time and a bit of fun.’

While everyone found a seat around the table, Sam joined Hannah where she stood, grinning from ear to ear. Gary tapped his pen on the side of his mug. May I have your attention, please? Sam and Hannah have some news they would like to share with you all.'

Danni shot Molly a look across the table, her left eyebrow raised like a rogue caterpillar trying to escape. Molly mouthed, ‘Did you know about this?’

Hannah flashed the dazzler on her finger at the group before screeching, ‘We’re engaged’. There were mixed reactions around the room.

‘Wow. Congratulations.’

‘What? I had no idea you two were dating.’

‘That’s wonderful. How romantic.’

In typical Sam fashion, he simply nodded and quietly thanked them. Naturally quite shy, a rose-coloured flush made its way up his neck. Gary stood up from his chair and raised his mug in the air. ‘I am sure you all join me in wishing them the best. To Sam and Hannah.’

Gary’s words echoed back at him. ‘To Sam and Hannah.’ He gestured to the edible delights on the table. ‘Now dig in. Help yourself to the food.’

Molly placed her hand over her mouth, trying hard to hide her shame. Moments earlier, she had shoved a red velvet cupcake in there. Danni was trying not to laugh. Poor Mol.

Kathy began pulling gifts out of the sack, one by one, and calling out the recipient’s name. A hideous tie for Gary. A toy abacus for Steve, the accountant. A bottle of cheap perfume for Kathy. A pretty candle for Roberta from the mailroom.

The next name to come out was Hannah. Molly hoped she would like her gift. Molly noticed that Hannah always had immaculately painted toenails. She figured if Danni and James go the distance, she would likely see a lot more of Hannah outside of work. It was time to make peace.

It was a gift voucher for a deluxe pedicure. Molly had broken the rules and spent fifteen dollars over the set budget. Hannah jumped and down. ‘Oh, this is perfect. Just what I need before the wedding.’

Molly breathed a sigh of relief. But not for long. Kathy pulled out the next gift. ‘Molly’. She stepped up to receive it. It was a bedazzled wine glass. Molly read out what it said. On one side it read, I might be a little crazy and on the other side it read, menopause has taken my crazy to another level. Molly’s blood boiled. Many laughed. All men.

‘That’s funny.’

‘So true. My wife became a mega bitch.’

‘I had no idea you were going through the change, Molly.’

As far as she was aware, there were only three people in the room who knew that Molly was in perimenopause, and she was certain neither Kathy nor Danni had purchased the gift.

She stood up and slammed the glass down on the table, a jagged crack forming down the side. ‘Gary, were you my Secret Santa?’

Most of the men continued to laugh. Molly saw red. ‘Oh yeah. Laugh it up, guys. You think what us women must endure is funny, do you?’

‘Well, yeah, kind of. Can’t you take a joke?’ Wait, what? Was that Jake, the barista from downstairs? I thought he was a nice guy.

Molly turned her attention back to Gary. ‘Well. Was it you?’

‘Oh, fine. Yes Molly. Guilty as charged. Lighten up for God’s sake.’

A hot flash graced her with its unwelcome presence. She snatched two napkins from the table and waved them in front of her face. ‘It so happens I’m having a hot flash right now, Gary. I can assure you they are not fun. It feels like you are burning up on the inside. A furnace so fierce you fear you might melt on the spot.’

Gary motioned towards her chair. ‘Molly sit. Calm down.’

No one knew where to look. ‘Sit? I’m not a bloody dog, Gary. I haven’t finished. Do not tell me how to react, how to feel, or how to act. Men have been doing this to women for centuries. We’ve had enough.’

‘Molly, please, you’re causing a scene.’

Molly swiped another cupcake from the table and stuffed it in her face, crumbs flying across the table as she spoke. Well, screamed really. Kathy discretely brushed some crumbs off her shoulder.

‘You know what else, Gary? My doctor tells me to lose weight every time I see his miserable face, but no matter what I do, the fat won’t budge.’ She grabbed her little muffin top and wiggled it up and down. ‘Men cheat on their middle-aged wives all the time because they dared to put on a few kilos, while most of them sport a beer belly. Hypocrites. Their wives have probably tried to lose the weight. My god they have tried Gary.’

Danni moved the plate of pastries closer to Molly. It was her way of showing support. ‘Why stop now?’

‘Would you like to know about the other horrid symptoms we endure daily while trying to do our best juggling our careers, our family, our friends? Brain fog, debilitating joint pain, anxiety, depression, extreme emotional reactions to things, and here’s the best one, a vagina dryer than the Nullarbor Plain.’

Kathy steered Molly towards the door. ‘C’mon Molly. Take some time out.’

Danni followed close behind. ‘Gary, I’m going to recommend Molly take the rest of the year off. Take some much-needed leave.’

‘No argument from me. We can’t have her acting like a raving lunatic.’

They all left the room, but not before Molly devoured a huge chunk of chocolate cake on her way out.

Hayley Walsh (c) 2025